Well, the day has finally come... The day I have known about for months (probably really have thought about for years since Jay joined ROTC and loved it) and still do not seemed really well prepared. But how does one prepare for the final growth path of a child? I know he will be coming back, but today he leaves to take the final journey of becoming an adult... on his own.... without me to guide, push, pull and direct along the way... which is good for him because it is truly his. Bad for me as I try to deal with all this heartache and extra emotion. All the cliches' in the world do nto describe nor compare the pain of my heartbreak and even though I have known this was coming, I want to postpone it until I am ready, which, would be never. So, God, in his infinite wisdom, has made Jay strong enough to decide and stick by his convictions. And I realize (at this unGodly hour of 4:30 AM) that as this will be one of his final growing stages into a man, it will be one of my many lessons in life about pain, grief, heartache, submission, acceptance, patience, and many more things I am not even able to think of at this time. Later will be Marc's turn and my heart will break all over again, but I am putting that away for now, one heartache at a time please. All I can do now is pray, entrust him completely to God, write (which strangely does seem to help)and cry when it hurts, bc holding it in seems to hurt more? I will update here about Jay, because he says he will remember to write everybody but has asked me to keep everyone posted when I get his letters, so I have found another useful reason to blog and maybe will remember to blog more often. If you are looking for info about Jay just type in "Jay" in the search area of the main page and the blogs about him will come up and you will not have to wade through all the other ramblings of my mind when it goes out without a leash.
Since I am up this early, maybe i should go work on something? I know I am not going back to sleep anytime soon and it is too early to get ready for work... ho hum.... maybe some fresh coffee and that Dee Henderson novel can help me forget my heartbreak for awhile.
Happy Stitchin'
Shannon
1 comment:
Oh hon, my heart is breaking for you...but you have a lot to be proud of! I can't imagine what my time will be like - but I still have to go through the teenage years with J5 first!!
Post a Comment